


learning that we’re only immortal for a limited time

by klainelynch



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Gen, I can't imagine that Iroh was that ok on Lu Ten's birthday for the first few years after his death, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Leaves From the Vine makes it clear that Iroh celebrates his son's birthday every year, Missing Scene, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, it's an obvious point but The Tale of Iroh really is the best, so how did we get there?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:15:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24684445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klainelynch/pseuds/klainelynch
Summary: Are you supposed to wish someone a happy birthday if that person is gone? Would it make Uncle feel better or worse to talk about Lu Ten? Zuko isn't sure, and the only person he feels comfortable asking is the only person hecan'task.Or: The different ways that Iroh and Zuko celebrate Lu Ten’s birthday, before and many years after his death.
Relationships: Iroh & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 63
Kudos: 285





	learning that we’re only immortal for a limited time

Zuko is five when he realizes just how big of a deal Lu Ten’s birthday is. People come in from across the entire nation to celebrate; the party always starts in the early afternoon and lasts all night. Zuko got to pick the dinner on his last birthday, but Lu Ten got seven appetizers, three main courses, and four different desserts. There are poodle-ponies, and dancing, and the entire family, even grandfather Azulon, comes out for the celebration.

When Zuko asks his mom if he could have a party like his cousin's, she smiles and hugs him close.

"There are some things that are reserved for the Crown Prince," she says.

"Oh," he replies. "Because Uncle Iroh is going to be Fire Lord some day, his son gets a bigger party?"

"That's right, my love. But it doesn't mean you can't have something special on your next birthday. If you could pick one thing to have, what would it be?" she asks.

Zuko stares out at the celebrations and sees how happy everyone is. It’s nice.

"Can grandfather Azulon eat dinner with us on my birthday?" he asks.

His mom hugs him even tighter and whispers, "We’ll see."

In the months that follow, his mom suggests that they spend his birthday at Ember Island, and Zuko loves the idea. Splashing in the water on their beach, Zuko realizes that maybe this trip had been planned so that there wouldn't have been a chance for his birthday wish from all those months ago to not come true. His grandfather doesn’t travel any more, after all.

…

Lu Ten and Uncle are off fighting in the war, but the palace still holds celebrations for the Crown Prince’s birthday. That doesn’t make sense to Zuko. A birthday should be about the person, and if the person isn’t there, why celebrate them?

…

Ever since Uncle Iroh got home, he's been spending a lot of time with Zuko. He's okay with that, especially since his uncle took over his firebending instruction. Zuko likes Uncle as a teacher. He is patient, even when it takes Zuko a long time to understand how to do the moves. And he never hurts Zuko when he messes up— Zuko wasn't sure if his father didn't know that the Fire Sages would sometimes hold their flames too close, or if he asked them to do it, or if he knew and didn't care. Zuko isn't sure which one would be the worst. But it doesn't matter any more. Uncle just sighs when he makes a mistake (a sound Zuko is already growing tired of, but at least it doesn't hurt), and shows him the move again.

Only…Zuko can't find Uncle anywhere today. It's a nice day outside. Of course, firebenders are strong enough to bend in any kind of weather, but if they could pick the conditions, they'd ask for a day with the sun shining bright and no clouds in sight. There’s no reason why any firebender would stay inside today.

 _Father says that Uncle is lazy. Maybe he's right_ , he thinks. But just in case he's sick or something, Zuko knocks on his bedroom door.

"Uncle?" he asks. "Are you gonna help me with my katas today?"

It's quiet. That isn't normal. Zuko knocks again, but when there's no sound, he slowly pushes his way in.

Uncle is on his bed but on top of the covers. His back is turned, and Zuko never sees his face.

"Prince Zuko," he says, and it's clear he's been crying. "I am not feeling well today. Your lessons will have to wait until tomorrow."

"Oh, okay," Zuko says as he closes the door. He wonders if Uncle caught the same bug that has been going around some of the servants. It's only later, when he hears two of the guards talking about how good the food was at the Prince's party last year, that he realizes what day it is.

Should he say something to Uncle? Are you supposed to wish someone a happy birthday if that person is gone? Would it make Uncle feel better or worse to talk about Lu Ten? Zuko isn't sure, and the only person he feels comfortable asking is the only person he _can't_ ask, so he does nothing.

…

Zuko has been banished for three months, and every day, he has had to deal with Uncle as he tries to cheer him up. It's a lost cause. There is _no_ cheering Zuko up, not until he finds the Avatar. Uncle keeps rambling on about Zuko finding what really matters, but Zuko has mastered the ability to look like you're paying attention while zoning out. The problem is, Uncle is the only person on this ship who looks Zuko in the eye. Every other person just stares at his scar; Zuko can't blame them. It pisses him off, of course, and he usually says something rude to them to scare them off, but he gets it.

When Zuko hasn't seen Uncle by the time he finishes his breakfast, he realizes what day it must be. _At least it didn't take me as long as last year_ , he thinks. He's still not sure what Uncle wants, but he doesn't think it's a good idea to stay in your bed and cry all day. Agni knows Uncle said that enough to Zuko after he was first banished.

Zuko hasn't been to the ship’s kitchen yet. He's a prince— even in exile, meals are brought _to_ him. But it is a unique circumstance, and Zuko feels like he needs to do this right.

The cook looks at him quizzically when he asks for help making tea, but then his gaze softens as he says, "General Iroh hasn't been out of his room today, has he?"

Zuko shakes his head and then tries his best to help make the tea. It ends up being Gorou who makes the entire pot, but Zuko brings it to Uncle's room himself. He doesn't expect an answer when he knocks at the door, and he doesn't get one. He knocks again and sticks his head in.

"The cook made you some tea, Uncle," he says. "I'm going to leave it on your table." He doesn't wait for a response.

Zuko hoped that the tea would draw Uncle out, at least by the evening, but it doesn't. The next morning, Iroh reviews some katas with Zuko, and for the first time in his banishment, Zuko thanks him for his help.

…

Zuko is sick. Not deathly ill or anything, but he hasn't been able to get out of bed for a few days now. Uncle has been taking care of him. Zuko has been sleeping through most of this illness, but every time he wakes up, Uncle is by his side, reading or playing a card game or trying to get him to eat some bone broth.

Zuko asks him what day it is— he just wants to know how many days he's been sick at this point— but the date catches his ear. Uncle tries to say it nonchalantly. Zuko groans and flops back into the pillow.

"I'm sorry, Uncle," he says. His eyes are closed, but he can hear Uncle shift in his chair.

"There is no need to apologize for an illness, Prince Zuko," he says. "It happens to everyone at one point or another, although it is more likely to occur when one has been pushing himself to the point of exhaustion, like you have been recently. This illness may be your body’s way of forcing you to rest."

Zuko wants to say: _No, I'm sorry that you're taking care of me on your dead son's birthday. I'm sorry you've been stuck with me in this broken little boat for over a year and I haven't yet done the one thing that will send all of us home. I'm sorry your son is dead and you feel like you have to make it up somehow, but I'm the only son the universe sent you._

Zuko doesn't say any of that. He rolls over and mutters, "I'll be able to rest once I have the Avatar."

…

Zuko is surprised to see Uncle at breakfast. It’s the first time he’s tried to be a part of a group on Lu Ten’s birthday, and Zuko hopes his idea doesn’t scare him back into solitude. They're close to a port, so Zuko orders the captain to make a stop. Uncle looks at him.

"You were saying that a storm is likely in the next few days," Zuko says. "It's important that we have enough supplies in case we can't make our usual stop."

Uncle doesn't say anything, but he keeps looking at Zuko that way. Like he knows what Zuko is trying to do. The look only gets worse as Zuko tries, and fails, to casually say that he'll accompany Uncle if he wants to go shopping today.

"You never want to join me in the market, Prince Zuko," he says. "Are you feeling alright?"

Zuko just grumbles.

From the way the men go on about how excited General Iroh normally gets while shopping, Zuko knows that his uncle is comparatively subdued. But he's out of his room, in public no less, and that has to be a good thing, right? 

They've apparently stumbled upon a town known for their musical instruments, and Zuko's heart sinks when he sees Uncle go right for the pipa.

"Look at it, nephew!" he cries out. "Such beautiful craftsmanship!"

Rolling his eyes, Zuko replies, "We don't need a pipa to find the Avatar."

"Ah, but we do need one for music night! It's good to rotate in new instruments— it keeps the mens' spirits high." He winks, and Zuko knows that he will play the pipa tonight despite swearing off all musical instruments the minute he realized that one good thing about banishment was a lack of fussy music teachers. 

Iroh smiles once, just once, during music night. The sight is enough to make the entire insufferable affair worth it to Zuko.

He still hates music night, though.

…

They've been in Ba Sing Se for a couple of weeks now, and Zuko still hates it. The city is loud, and it smells, and it doesn't have the promise of a future that Uncle seems to think it has. If Zuko thinks too long about spending the rest of his life as a server in Pao's tea shop, he sets things on fire, and that's not good when you're trying to hide the fact that you're a firebender from everyone around you.

The first time Uncle asks Pao for a day off, he refuses, saying that his tea shop is now known for Iroh's tea, and no one else can make it as well as him. A few minutes later, Zuko corners Pao in the back room. He wants to explain why Uncle Iroh is asking for this _particular_ day off, if only to see the look on Pao's face as he realizes what an asshole he is. But that's not his business to share. 

“Think about it, Pao,” he says. “You wouldn’t have even half of your current business if it wasn’t for my uncle. If you keep working him this hard, you’ll burn him out, and then he’ll never be able to brew tea for you again.”

The argument must work, because that night, Uncle tells him that he won't be at the shop tomorrow, and please don't try to make the Oolong tea if someone orders it, just let Tai do it.

Zuko would happily let his coworker make the Oolong and every other order, but apparently, Tai is under the weather, so all of the tea-making is up to Zuko and Pao. He's never seen so many returned cups of tea in his entire time at the shop. Pao spends all day moping about the hit to his business. Zuko hasn’t had a better day of work yet.

When Uncle comes home late that night, Zuko can tell he's been crying. He doesn't mention that, or what day it is. He just complains about the usual customers who get on his nerves, and lets Uncle lecture him about the need for patience, even with those who seem to be difficult on purpose. It's a normal conversation, and Zuko hopes that's what Uncle needs.

The next day, Pao insists that Iroh can never take another day off.

"Maybe you should give him a raise, if he's so valuable to you," Zuko grumbles. Uncle simply bows and says he is just happy to serve good tea in a fine shop. A raise never comes, and Zuko is happy when Uncle gets his own shop not long after.

…

Zuko is the fire lord, but even he doesn't have the power to get himself out of these stupid meetings. Uncle Iroh is in Ba Sing Se, and Zuko wishes he were there more than anything. But he has to meet with four ministers today, and another three tomorrow, and those meetings weren't scheduled with the birthday of his dead cousin in mind, so Zuko is stuck in Caldera City.

He writes Uncle a letter, and kicks himself for not thinking about doing this sooner so that Uncle could actually read it on Lu Ten's birthday. Oh well. 

Normally, his letters are brief. He doesn't have the time for anything longer than a page; besides, he doesn't want to worry his uncle with how stressed he actually is. This letter is five pages long, and it contains every happy memory Zuko has about Lu Ten. The minute he sends it off, Zuko starts worrying that it isn't what Uncle needs. He buries himself in his work— there is always, _always_ more to do— and tries not to worry.

Three days later, Uncle shows up at the palace and hugs Zuko for ten minutes straight. He wasn’t supposed to arrive until next month, but neither one mentions this. Uncle stays through his scheduled visit, and Zuko feels the weight of the crown lighten just a little bit.

...

The next year, Zuko sneakily arranges his diplomatic schedule so that he's in Ba Sing Se. The troubles with the colonies, while not as bad as they were, are still problematic enough to justify this visit. Zuko makes sure that no meetings are scheduled for Lu Ten's birthday. Uncle smiles when Zuko says he would like to spend the day with him, but he understands if he would rather be alone.

It feels like they walk the entire length of the city. Zuko's guards insist on accompanying him even though both royals are in Earth Kingdom attire, but Zuko insists that the guards remain at the bottom of the hill that Uncle brings him to. 

They cry. 

A lot. 

Uncle tells Zuko stories that he didn't know, about how grandfather Azulon doted on Lu Ten, and how Iroh's wife would insist on baking Lu Ten a birthday cake for the three of them (even though it never tasted as good as what the kitchen could make), and how when Lu Ten found out that his Aunt Ursa was pregnant, he thought it meant that he was getting a little brother.

"He did get one," Zuko says, and Uncle squeezes his hand. They light the incense, and they bow their heads, and they make their way back to the tea shop.

...

For the next two years, Zuko isn't able to get away to Ba Sing Se. He writes his letters early and makes sure that they arrive on time.

...

Zuko has been fire lord for five years. It is the tenth birthday that Uncle has had to spend without his son. Zuko is now older than Lu Ten will ever be, and he feels incredible guilt over this fact. He's torn between wanting to spend the day with Uncle and not wanting to remind Uncle of what he's lost on such an important anniversary.

Uncle makes the choice for him by showing up unannounced. They go to the theatre (a good one, mind you), and they play Pai Sho, and they drink tea. It’s later that night when Zuko realizes that Uncle has spent the day cheering up Zuko when it should be the other way around. He wants to call Uncle Iroh out on this fact, but he doesn’t.

Somehow, Uncle still knows why his mood is more sullen than usual.

“Did you think that I was unaware of what you were doing for me these past years?” he asks. “This will always be a day that weighs on me, but you have always tried to make it easier for me, and you will never understand just how much your kindness meant to me.”

Zuko looks down at his hands and tries to say something, but can’t. He nods, and tries to put the complicated emotions swirling around his stomach into it.

“Just because it can be hard to say these things, that doesn’t make them any less true,” Uncle continues. “Don’t feel guilty for living your life, nephew. Lu Ten wouldn’t want that, and neither do I.”

…

It is Lu Ten’s birthday, and for the first time, Zuko has a child of his own. She is tiny, and precious, and has absolutely no hair on her head, and Zuko would do anything to protect her. Uncle promoted Jie to Interim Manager so that he could help with his grand-niece for a few months, and Zuko has been so grateful for the help. 

The Fire Sages were surprised that Zuko didn’t want to simply hand his daughter off to a nurse so that he could immediately return to the business of ruling. The look Zuko gave at that comment shut them up for an entire week. He wishes he could remember exactly how he molded his face so that he could use the look again.

He normally spends as much time with Izumi as possible. He limits his meetings to the most important and delegates the rest. He wants to soak up every minute with her.

It is Lu Ten’s birthday, and Zuko has not left his bed even though it is almost noon at this point. He told the servants that he was sick, and they left him alone. There is no one to hear him weep, or to see the shakes that take over his body. Fear has utterly consumed him. Fear that something will happen to his child, that he will not be able to protect her. His cousin is proof that love cannot protect a child, and the thought of losing her is driving him mad.

A small knock on the door. He doesn’t answer. A head pops in anyway, and it is Uncle, as he knew it would be. Uncle doesn’t say anything until he sits on the edge of the bed.

“You know, nephew,” he says, “the moments when we feel most comforted by isolation are often the moments when we need to rely on our loved ones the most.”

Zuko tries to respond, but feels the lump in his throat, and that’s it, he’s done, he’s crying again, and he’s apologizing to Uncle, but mostly he’s asking how: _how did you go on when he died? How did you keep breathing when your entire world was shattered?_

“I can’t imagine losing her, Uncle,” he says. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.” It has been a long time since anxiety has paralyzed him like this. He didn’t miss the sensation. Vaguely, he feels Uncle wrap him up in a tight embrace, and he uses that touch as his anchor to reality.

Uncle lets him cry himself out. Those years on the ship were terrible in many ways, but they taught Iroh when to speak and when to wait. 

When he knows Zuko is ready, he says, “Losing my son was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I feel his loss every day, and this day will always bring me sadness. But the love doesn’t fade, Zuko,” and he pulls back just enough so that he can look at Zuko directly. “The love shifts, and grows, and if you are as lucky as I am, it multiplies hundredfold.”

Zuko sniffs and nods. He knows this. He knew this when he was a teenager. It’s relearning it as a father that’s the trick.

“Your daughter needs you today,” Uncle says. “Let’s bring her to the garden so she can feel the warmth of the sun. It’s a lovely day outside.”

Zuko leaves his room with his uncle.

…

It’s the first Lu Ten birthday since Uncle has gone, and for some reason, it’s harder than Uncle’s birthday was. Zuko plans a last minute trip to Ba Sing Se, and the guards at the bottom of the hill look away as their fire lord cries.

…

Iroh is five when he realizes that his grandfather celebrates the birthday of someone who died. Grandfather is by himself in the garden. He has an old picture of a soldier that he’s carefully propped up against a rock, and he lights the incense with the same reverence as the Fire Sages in the temple.

“Who is that?” he asks.

His grandfather smiles. “Iroh, you know you were named for my uncle, right?” He nods. “I’d like to introduce you to his son, Lu Ten. He was my cousin, and his birthday is a very special day for me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I love fic ideas that just come to you out of nowhere. I was trying to fall asleep last week, and two fics popped into my mind almost simultaneously. This is the second one of those, and the outline that I created in my phone, while fleshed out in the final fic, is almost exactly what you see here.
> 
> Title is from Rush’s “Dreamline.”
> 
> Comments are always appreciated :)
> 
> Find me on tumblr at [klainelynch](https://klainelynch.tumblr.com/)


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